Live for the Journey
by Amazing-Daine
Summary: Ella Charlotte Becker didn't go looking for love, but it found her in one of the only places she never thought it would be.  Mr. Sirius Black & Miss Ella Becker.


"I've always enjoyed a blank sheet of parchment. It's…inspirational. I mean, it's completely willing to take on whatever someone writes on it, and it doesn't really show prejudice or anything. I know it sounds silly, taking life lessons from a piece of parchment, but just think about it. I mean, I wish I was a bit more like that, willing to take on anything, not afraid, completely trusting, that sort of thing. But then again, a piece of parchment doesn't really have a choice, does it?"

_-The diary of Ella Charlotte Becker aged fifteen, Year Five, 24 December 1974_

If you had told Ella Becker that one day during lunch in her sixth year of attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry she would find herself falling in love with the boy every other girl in the school dreamed about, she would have laughed in your face. It wasn't that she wasn't fond of Sirius, because she always had been, but he had always seemed out of reach, and she knew better than to get her heart broken by that notorious smirk and hair flip. She had known Sirius Black since her first year at Hogwarts. Being best friends with James Potter long before the thought of the opposite gender had entered their brains, her becoming friends with Sirius wasn't surprising. Nor did anyone find it odd that wherever James and Sirius were concerned, Ella knew about it. It was rather simple really. Ella's best friend, besides James, was Lily Evans, and Lily Evans hated James Potter, but they were constantly in each other's company, and as Sirius was best mates with James and was rather good friends with Ella, they were almost always around each other. Alright, so perhaps not quite so simple. But to make a rather long and complicated chain of events simple, Sirius and Ella were forever found together.

* * *

"Oh come off it Lottie," Sirius groaned as a gaggle of seven or so bedraggled students boarded the Hogwarts Express. 

"I'm just saying," Ella began as she heaved her trunk into a compartment. "You _could_ be a bit nicer to them."

"Nicer to whom?" Peter piped up from nearer the back.

"No one Peter," Sirius mumbled.

"You could be a bit nicer to him as well," Ella scolded quietly, settling into the window seat.

"Well if he wasn't so bloody whiny…"

Ella gave him a pointed look.

"Will you just stop _looking_ at me that way!"

"You sound like an old married couple," James quipped, tossing his trunk onto a shelf.

"Stop teasing them James," a concerned voice entered the compartment.

At a year the group's junior, Constance Owen should have been in Hufflepuff. She had soft yellow curls, pale blue eyes, and her brow was always furrowed in worry.

"I'm not teasing them Connie, I wasn't being mean," James replied hastily to his cousin.

"Well you certainly weren't being nice," the younger girl mumbled, sitting across from Ella.

"But who could he be nicer to?" Peter asked again, worriedly.

"His fan girls," came a tired voice from the doorway.

"Well I wouldn't exactly call them fan girls, Moony," Sirius grinned.

"No," was the snappish reply. "You'd call them your eager love slaves wouldn't you?"

"You're getting nearly as bad as Lottie, Lily," Sirius sighed as a flaming red head joined the already crowded compartment.

"I'm not bad!" Ella scoffed.

"Yes," Sirius replied, sitting down next to her. "You really are."

"Oh please don't start fighting again," Connie said, biting a lip.

"They aren't fighting Con," James soothed, seating himself next to her.

"Yeah Connie," Peter squeaked, looking about for a space to sit.

"Is it going to be like this the whole way there?" Lily asked under her breath, rolling her eyes and nestling herself into a corner.

"Isn't it always?" Remus replied, to what Lily had thought was an inaudible comment, as he settled himself between Lily and James.

"Isn't what always?" Peter asked frantically, fearing he had missed something terribly important.

"Nothing Peter," Remus, James, and Sirius replied in unison.

"Now sit down you prat," Sirius said in disgust and yanked his sleeve so he fell into the seat abreast of him.

With a sudden heave, the crimson locomotive began to move forward and they began the lengthy journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

* * *

"I'm hungry," Sirius complained. "Are we there yet?" 

"I'm going to biff him if he asks one more time," Ella announced in an annoyed tone.

"Oh Lottie," he said grinning. "You wouldn't hit me."

"Oh yeah?" she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Would it kill you two to keep it down?" Remus asked irritably, rubbing his eyes.

"He started it," Ella sighed.

Sirius was about to retort when the door to the compartment slid open to reveal a smiling, plump, woman pushing a cart full of food.

"Anything off the trolley dears?" she asked kindly as she did every journey on the Hogwarts Express.

"Yes," Sirius said greedily, launching himself over Peter and grabbing at the stacks of neatly wrapped candy.

"Get off him Sirius," James said, trying not laugh.

"Oh don't hurt him," Constance put in worriedly.

"I'm fine guys," Peter squeaked from somewhere deep in the cushions.

The compartment was soon filled with content voices munching on Pumpkin Pasties, Chocolate Frogs, and Drooble's Best Blowing Gum. Remus and Lily sat deep in conversation, discussing some book or another, Peter and Constance dozed quietly in their respective corners, while James, Sirius, and Ella debated over the best Quidditch team that year.

"It's Puddlemere United for sure."

"And I'm the Queen of England. It's the Holyhead Harpies!"

"Well you're both wrong. The Prides are winning the Cup this year, no doubt."

"Oh Merlin's beard," came Lily's crisp voice. "We're nearly there. We'd better change. Boys out."

Ella grinned at her best friend. Not only did she know how to take charge, she always put things in their favour.

"Must we Lils?" was James' sing-song moan.

"Yes you must and _don't_ call me Lils."

"Alright how about Lily Flower. That's nice enough, innit?"

"Potter…"

"Or Lily-kins, oh yes I like that much better."

"Potter."

"Oh, maybe-"

"James Potter just go and put your robes on!" Lily fumed, standing.

"Alright, Evans," he said, standing and giving her the most irritating smirk.

Sirius and Ella laughed at the interaction and, kicking Peter to wake him, the three remaining males in the compartment trooped out, robes in hand.

"He's awful," Lily mumbled, getting her robes from her trunk.

"He's James Potter," Ella said, sighing. "And he will never change. Not that he's bad or anything," she added hastily, seeing the look on his cousin's face.

"But he is bad. He's the most irksome, annoying, egotistical berk I've ever met! And he does it on purpose Elle, _on purpose_."  
"It's just who he is Lil, I don't think he can really help it."

"He does it because he's smitten with you," Constance said after a moment.

"Oh Connie," Lily rolled her eyes and tugged at her robes.

"I'm serious Lily! He really really fancies you. Everybody knows it."

"He just thinks he likes me because I am the only girl he's ever asked out who hasn't said yes."

"No. He really does-"

"Alright, are we there yet?" came Sirius's voice as the door to the compartment slid open with a crash.

"You twat, of course we aren't there," was James' reply.

"Honestly, must you two talk constantly?" Remus' voice was unusually tired.

"What's going on?"

"Shut up Peter!"

The gentle buzz of conversation returned as they neared their beloved school.

"Sixth year," James said for the hundredth time that evening. "Gonna be an excellent pranking year. The Marauders: Back For More," he grinned.

"You are so childish, Potter," Lily said, situating her wand in her front robes pocket.

"No," was the sardonic reply. "You are simply too adult-ish."

"That isn't even a word."

"It is now."

Their next sentences were cut short as the crimson snake screeched to a halt in Hogsmeade Station. The sounds of compartment doors opening, laughter from fellow students, and trunks being heaved down from their shelves met the group's ears. They all managed to extract their own trunks from the compartment and, dragging them half-heartedly, made their way to the awaiting carriages.

Though prohibited, the seven students piled into one carriage together.

"Get your elbow out of my face!"

"Ow! Whose foot was that?"

"Hello Evans…"

"Potter! Sod off!"

"Erm, could whomever is stepping on my robes please move? Please?"

"Sorry Connie that was me."

The carriages pulled by nothing trundled off towards the castle with a lurch, quieting the students' complaints. The rest of the ride was silent as each realized just how tired they were. When they reached the school, Ella stepped down, relieved; for more reasons than one. She was off the train, off the carriage, away from her family, and she was home. She breathed deeply as they made their way up to the mammoth oak doors that would bring them inside. The scent of the forest, the lake, and cool stone overrode her senses, and for a moment, just a moment, she let herself fall hopelessly in love with Hogwarts. The grass was springy beneath her shoes, and a light breeze whipped back the few wayward strands of charcoal hair. The feeling of relief only grew as one of the professors opened the immense doors and allowed them entrance into the Great Hall.

A warm light emanated from within, beckoning the students. The group glanced back to see nervous first years stumble off the small boats that sailed across the glassy black lake. Relieved that they no longer had to suffer through the anxiety of being sorted, the rest of the students poured into the Hall, taking up seats at their respective house tables.

"I'm starved," Sirius was saying loudly. "You think old Dippy can make his speech short this year?"

"Headmaster Dippet always has important things to say at the start of the year," Constance replied to Sirius' snide remark. "His speeches are a bit long for a reason."

"Lily, you've really got to stop talking to people."

Lily merely glared at the tall brunette boy and chose a spot a few seats down from him. Ella shook her head and sat between them, waiting quietly for the feast to begin.

"Whatcha bet it's Steak and Kidney Pie?" Sirius whispered to Ella.

"Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding," she countered, grinning.

"Twenty knuts?"

"Child's play. A sickle."

"Shepard's Pie," James said out of the corner of his mouth, sitting beside Sirius. "And make it two sickles. Each."

Just as Ella was about to respond, a door nearer the back of the Hall was thrust open, admitting a long line of jumpy first year students. She craned her head round to watch them approach as another professor set out a three-legged stool and a ratty old hat. The hat sang its customary start-of-term-song as they approached.

"Please form a single-file line beginning here," the professor who had led the first years in was saying.

She pulled a long piece of parchment from inside her robes and, placing a pair of spectacles on the tip of her nose began to call names.

"Aldridge, Beatrice."

A pale, skinny girl with watery blue eyes and lifeless blonde hair walked unsteadily towards the stool, shaking with fear. As she sat, terrified, the professor placed the hat on her head, and it wasn't long before the old hat, ripped at the brim as though it were a mouth, let loose a yell.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

One of the four tables erupted in cheers and ushered the young, frightened girl to where the rest of her house sat. As she collapsed into a chair, the professor called another name, and then another, until she had called the very last name on her list (Zimmerman, Aaron). As she removed the hat and stool from the esteemed position, an elderly wizard stood and began to speak.

"Students," he began, voice raspy. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…"

Ella quickly tuned the old wizard out and soon found herself immersed in a quiet discussion with James and Sirius.

"But if they pulled Parkin's Pincer, it'd be easy!"

"Only if the other team didn't do a Reverse Pass. Think about that. It'd never work."

"Hey look, I think Dippy's finishing up."

Sure enough, the aging wizard was nodding and motioning towards the tables as if to say, '_eat!'_ Quite suddenly, the brilliant platters and plates that had once been spotless were now filled with heaps upon heaps of food.

"Two sickles from each of you," Ella said, laughing and setting copious amounts of Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding onto her plate.

The two grumbled and dug around in the pockets before handing her the money. The rest of the evening passed pleasantly, and by the end of the feast everyone was unable to move.

"Hungry now?" Ella asked Sirius jokingly.

"That is not funny Lottie," he said, holding his stomach and groaning.

"I thought it was quite funny," she remarked, standing. "Oy, Lil. What's the new password?"

"S-s-scrivenshaft," Lily replied, yawning and standing as well.

The tired witches and wizards filed out of the Great Hall, each group breaking away as they went to their respective common rooms.

"First-years, this way," Lily and Remus were saying. "First years!"

Ella let loose a yawn of her own and fell back to walk with Sirius, James, Peter, and Constance.

"Are you ready for classes?" Constance asked her.

"Oh," she sighed. "I suppose so. I'm not ready for homework though. That's always the worst part."

The rest of their journey to the Gryffindor Common Room was silent, broken only by yawns or first-year questions. When they finally reached the portrait of a plump woman in a shockingly pink dress, Remus and Lily halted the group and explained the workings of the common room entrance.

Tired, and the slightest bit grumpy, Ella waited through their presentation most impatiently. The speech ended shortly and the weary Gryffindors climbed through the portrait hole. Inside, a fire glowed in the grate, and several plush crimson chairs were set out. A large bulletin board was found nearer the front of the room, with postings of up-coming Hogsmeade trips, a list of lost items from the previous year, and other miscellaneous things. There were two staircases in the Gryffindor Common Room; one for the girls' dormitories, and one for the boys'.

"Staying up?" James asked her as the group came back together on a few of the various couches.

"I don't know," she replied, closing her eyes. "Are you?"

"For a bit. Hey, I've been meaning to ask, how's your mum?"

Ella squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to answer, not wanting to think about it. A chill seemed to fill the air as she imagined her mother in her current state and the beginnings of a head-ache pounded against her skull.

"Sorry," he mumbled after she didn't answer. "My mum had been wondering, so I said I'd ask…"

"No better," was her quiet reply. "No better."

"What are we whispering about?" Sirius' jovial voice broke in.

"You," Ella joked hastily.

"And how wonderfully attractive I am? Honestly Prongsy, I didn't think you'd be talking about it with Lottie. A bit pervy, really."

James looked quickly to Ella as if to ensure her stability before rolling his eyes.

"Oh give over Padfoot. We were saying that I'm far more attractive than you are and there is no way that you can ever compete."

"Hey now-"

"I'm going to bed," Remus announced, standing.

"Night Remy."

"G'night."

"See ya in a bit Moony."

"I think I will too."

The general crowd in the common room began to thin and it was soon only James, Ella, Lily and a few students from other years.

"I'm going to bed Elle," Lily said after a moment of staring into the fire-grate. "Don't stay up too late," she eyed James with a cold scrutiny before making her way up the stairs.

"So," James began.

Ella shook her head, knowing what he was going to ask.

"They don't know what they're going to do," she whispered, not looking at him.

"How's your dad been about it?"

"He doesn't say anything. And when I do see him he glares at me, like it's my fault."

"And Braxton?" he asked, referring to her older brother.

"He's never home anymore."

"Going home for holidays this year, then?"

She scoffed, almost laughing.

"To be left alone in my room? Come on Jamie," she replied, looking up at him.

"Well, you can always come to my house, you know that."

"Your mum doesn't want someone else to look after."

"Oh come off it, you know she loves you."

Ella smiled sadly and brought her knees to her chin. The fire was dying in the grate, hardly anything but embers.

"It wasn't my fault," she said after a moment.

"Course it wasn't," James replied reassuringly, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"He doesn't talk to me anymore, you know."

"He's an arse."

"And he just lets her lay there in that hideous bed alone. He won't even go in to see her."

"There's nothing you can do about that Ellie," he told her softly.

"She misses him, I know she does. She always calls out his name when I open the door, expecting him to be there and he never is. And I didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't my fault," she felt unbidden tears prick her eyes.

James didn't say anything, merely tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head. He wasn't the same James Potter with her. At least, not in her moments of weakness. Nor was she the same Ella Becker. She _had _weaknesses this late at night around her best friend, and _she cried_. If Lily or Sirius or Peter or Remus ever knew either could be so sensitive or fragile, nothing would ever be the same. There was a reason they kept their emotions to themselves. And don't be mistaken, there could never have been anything in their relationship that was more than platonic. They thought of each other as siblings, and would never see one another as anything else.

"We'd better go to bed," Ella suggested, briskly wiping her wet cheeks.

James gave her a final squeeze before nodding.

"Yeah, alright. Get some sleep."

With that the two parted, and, as always, an unspoken agreement was established that neither would speak of Ella's mother or James' brotherly ways.

Ella swiftly changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking of her mother.

"It isn't my fault," she told herself firmly.

Tucking the covers under her chin, she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to find her.

* * *

**The Author's Note**

Another story for you my dears! And please, _please_, do not get the wrong idea about Ella and James. They have been best friends since they were quite young and would never have romantic feelings for one another. Bear in mind that this story is about Ella and Sirius. Together. Romantically. Sometimes, Miss Ella simply needs a shoulder to cry on. Reviews are always adored and appreciated!


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